Come on, give me a smile you granola-crunching, tree-hugging thug hugger

Until this morning, I thought Lowell Green was the name of a nice little British town in the middle of the countryside where residents washed their cars on Sunday, enjoyed a lunchtime pint and always said “Good morning, Bert, how’s the wife?” to the milkman.

How wrong I was. Thanks to the Globe and Mail’s media reporter Steve Ladurantaye who tweeted these quotes from Mr. Green, I was roundly educated.

“To summarize: CFRA’s Lowell Green believes there are forced marriages in Ontario because immigrants can watch satellite TV from homeland.”

“Lowell Green’s deep reflection on immigrants: ‘They can’t read Canadian books, and watch native television from their homeland everyday.'”

Where do I start?

First off, Mr. Green is an IMMIGRANT. According to Wikipedia — which is never wrong, and totally accurate, always — he was born in Ann Arbor, Michigan and IMMIGRATED to Canada as an IMMIGRANT via the IMMIGRATION process. There’s a theme there somewhere. Stick with me.

So, having enjoyed a successful career as an IMMIGRANT to Canada, Mr. Green then goes on to write a book with the subtle, yet gentle, almost whimsical title of Mayday! Mayday! Curb Immigration. Stop Multiculturalism. Or it’s the end of the Canada we know!

Hard to tell from the title which way Mr. Green is leaning on the subject, and as I haven’t had time yet from my daily life of being a successful and contributory IMMIGRANT citizen to Canadian life, have not read the book.

But then again, according to Mr. Green, I “can’t read Canadian books.” Oh well. That’s that, I suppose.

And as for the satellite TV comment? I literally choked on my cucumber sandwich when I read that! As Steve Ladurantaye asked me, “Do you insist on watching Coronation Street?”

Oh yeah. All the bloody time. I can’t function in Toronto society without knowing who’s shagging who at the Rovers.

Ridiculous.

/Rant. I’m off to enjoy a lukewarm cup of tea and read about my fellow IMMIGRANTS to this welcoming country who are doing great things.